(Laughter.)Īlso, I would be remiss - let’s give it up for our host, Larry Wilmore. And I want to thank him for his friendship, for his counsel, for always giving it to me straight, for not shooting anybody in the face. (Applause.) I love Joe Biden, I really do. (Slide is shown.) (Laughter and applause.) Puzzling.Īnyway, in this last year I do have more appreciation for those who have been with me on this amazing ride, like one of our finest public servants, Joe Biden. Even my aides can’t explain the rising poll numbers - what has changed, nobody can figure it out. (Laughter and applause.)Īnd here’s the thing: I haven’t really done anything differently. (Laughter.) The last time I was this high, I was trying to decide on my major. (Laughter.)Īnd yet, somehow, despite all this, despite the churn, in my final year, my approval ratings keep going up. (Laughter and applause.) It’s only nine more months, baby. You might have heard that someone jumped the White House fence last week, but I have to give Secret Service credit - they found Michelle, brought her back, she’s safe back at home now. (Laughter and applause.)īut the prospect of leaving the White House is a mixed bag. Norah O’Donnell left the briefing room to host CBS This Morning. Savannah Guthrie, she’s left the White House Press Corps to host the Today show. Key staff are now starting to leave the White House. I won’t lie - look, this is a tough transition. (Laughter.) Although while in England I did have lunch with Her Majesty, the Queen, took in a performance of Shakespeare, hit the links with David Cameron - just in case anybody is still debating whether I’m black enough, I think that settles the debate. (Laughter and applause.) That was a slap in the face. Last week, Prince George showed up to our meeting in his bathrobe. Even some foreign leaders, they’ve been looking ahead, anticipating my departure. (Applause.) It’s like “The Red Wedding.” (Laughter.)īut it’s not just Congress. In fact, I think we’ve got Republican Senators Tim Scott and Cory Gardner, they’re in the house, which reminds me, security, bar the doors! (Laughter.) Judge Merrick Garland, come on out, we’re going to do this right here, right now. (Laughter.) But on everything else, it’s another story. Unfortunately, this dinner was not one of them. Of course, in fact, for months now congressional Republicans have been saying there are things I cannot do in my final year. And this is going to take some getting used to, it’s really going to - it’s a curve ball. (Laughter.) And Republican leaders won’t take my phone calls. (Laughter.) In just six short months, I will be officially a lame duck, which means Congress now will flat-out reject my authority. (Slide is shown.) (Laughter and applause.) (Slide is shown.)Īnd this one is from two weeks ago. (Applause.) The only way you can date her in photos is by looking at me. (Laughter and applause.) I resented that. President, you are so yesterday Justin Trudeau has completely replaced you - he’s so handsome, he’s so charming, he’s the future. In fact, somebody recently said to me, Mr. phone call - now I’m awake anyway because I’ve got to go to the bathroom. (Laughter and applause.) Hillary once questioned whether I’d be ready for a 3 a.m. (Laughter.) I am gray and grizzled, just counting down the days ’til my death panel. (Laughter.)Įight years ago, I was a young man, full of idealism and vigor, and look at me now. In hindsight, I clearly should have been more specific. Eight years ago, I said it was time to change the tone of our politics. (Laughter and applause.) But standing here, I can’t help but be reflective, a little sentimental. Next year at this time, someone else will be standing here in this very spot, and it’s anyone’s guess who she will be. (Laughter.) That’s called practice - it’s like learning to do three-minute planks. (Applause.) She looks so happy to be here. My brilliant and beautiful wife, Michelle, is here tonight. (Laughter and applause.) Earn me some serious Tubmans. If this material works well, I’m going to use it at Goldman Sachs next year. My eighth and final appearance at this unique event. (laughter) - which stands for “jokes that white people should not make.” (Laughter and applause.) It’s a tip for you, Jeff. I do apologize - I know I was a little late tonight.
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